Today's National Day. Happy 43rd Birthday Singapore.

However, today's not exactly a happy day for Marcus. While the nation celebrates her birthday, many family seize the occasion to gather together to catch up with one another. Marcus spend the entire day at home and made a saddening discovery.

I discovered that I don't know my father. As confidently as I can say out my name, I regret to say that I barely know my father. My father is a shadowy figure in my life. He has taught me several life skills, discipline me when I was younger but now we barely talk.

Looking back in time, I cannot recall when this started but it seems like it has been a long time since I have a laugh/chat with my dad. Saddening isn't it? Will his character have a bearing on my future character? I don't know.

Let's see what I can make out of daddy. Daddy has been a figure of authority over my life. He governs the family with a dictatorship style of leadership. Daddy is an intelligent man; he stripped his new car to the last screw and managed to assemble it back together. Dad is a man of deep thoughts and seldom shares his feelings. I don't know what daddy really like or dislike =(

Daddy bring home the bread and butter and often bring home exotic food for us to try. But though he brings the family out for meals and outing, something is lacking. I cannot pin-point the exact cause for this feeling but just that I have not been close to my father.

To my friends who have a close relationship with your dad, cherish it. Marcus wish his relationship with his dad can be better but there seems no immediately remedy to this relationship. Daddy often wants things done his way and when I was younger and more dependent, I remember doing things that my dad wanted me to do but inside of me, I wasn't fully convinced.

To daddy, I know you love me but I can't seem to find a reason to love you. =(

Daddy says he's a family man and wants the same for me. I will say that yes, Marcus has grown into a family-orientated man but the stressed relationship with daddy seems to be affecting me. Should I drown this feeling and continue to be happy Marcus?

I haven't felt this sad for a very long time. The last time was probably when Sirus died but I got over in a matter of hours. While I recall telling some of my closer friends that Marcus lost the ability to grief, I am surprised to inform you that somehow today, I was feeling quite sad for no reason.

Haven't been this honest with myself but let's try to make a picture of myself =) No no, I shall write that into a written journal and keep it. But if you want to read, you can try asking me for the written journal *winks

Today's coming to an end. I told myself tomorrow's going to be a better day and I believe so. However, I decided to blog this event for it has been a while since I felt sad and I shall title this entry Sorrow.

Good Night